As fielded by Lulu.

why would i want to go to something like spring? more specifically, why would i want to spend a week with total strangers?

Wasn’t camp fantastic? (And if it wasn’t, imagine how redeemed you’ll feel by taking action against those pesky, insecurity-laden memories. Remember, you’re older, wiser, and most likely not plagued by quite as many uncontrollable erections.)

will there be cool people there?

Without a doubt. We’re inviting our friends, aren’t we?

will i get a private room?

This depends on how you define private. There are approximately 30 bedrooms at our disposal, some more secluded than others. First come first serve.

will there be enough to eat?

This is one of my major concerns, as food has the most influence on my mood. Yes, I have been to Spring, and there was enough food for everyone, and it was delicious. Also, there were always snacks available.

who does the cooking?

Our charming cooks will be planning the menu and doing the shopping; you will have the pleasure of working with them several times during the week.

what’s the deal with the no drinking?

We have chosen a “no drink, no drugs” policy because we enjoy the space while sober – and we think you will too.

will i get laid?

Yes. Wait, turn around. Okay, maybe.

Now, this question can really be best answered with other questions: Are you getting laid in your day to day life? Have you ever been laid? Are you bringing someone special with you? Are you interested in meeting someone new? Are you packing condoms?

is it religious?

Jesus Christ, no.

will there be laughing?

Yes, oh yes. Think back to the first time you fell in love – do you remember how funny that person was to you? That is how funny you will find everyone at Spring. Because you will fall in love, just a little bit, with the people there.